karen: he should write a book about a what it’s like to be 50 and obsessed with harry potter.

if you ever get stuck talking to this guy at a party, you have my sympathies.  

his name is stephan jan vander ark, a michigan native who just lost a court case against j.k. rowlings.  seems he was trying to publish something called “the harry potter lexicon,” a largely plagiarized encyclopedia to the harry potter universe.  couple of things.

first, for the record i haven’t read any of the books.  but if i’m not mistaken, millions of eight-year-olds read that shit.  how complicated can it be that an encyclopedia is necessary?  are there harry potter cliff notes?

second, he’s 50 years old.  5-0.  my brain fails to process that information.  here’s a couple of choice excerpts from the nytimes (you’ll notice, i’ve attributed these quotes to their source, unlike vander ark).  enjoy:

The following day Mr. Vander Ark sobbed on the stand as he said that Ms. Rowling’s attacks on his work had ostracized him from the “Harry Potter community.”

When told in court that Ms. Rowling had explained the etymology of “Alohomora,” an unlocking spell, as coming from a West African dialect, Mr. Vander Ark responded: “That’s exciting stuff for someone like me. Did she happen to mention which dialect?”

wow.  here’s another delicious nugget about his future project:

For now, however, Mr. Vander Ark has his sights on his next Harry Potter project: his book “In Search of Harry Potter” is scheduled to be released next month. It is a memoir of his travels to locations similar to the ones described in the Rowling books. The book, Mr. Vander Ark said, should not land him back in Wizengamot — the wizards’ high court of law depicted in the Harry Potter series.

“It’s a travel memoir,” he said. “It’s not in any way the kind of a thing which should raise any red flags.”

that has got to be the most pathetic thing i have ever read.  and i used to write star wars fan fiction.  but i was 10 at the time.

-srd