the beginning

this is where i’m supposed to talk about my new years resolutions, where i talk about quitting smoking or losing weight.  these are things that i’m doing.  but that’s not what i’m going to talk about.

i want to talk about this girl.

see, there’s this girl that i love.  i’ve loved her almost as long as i’ve known her, though i haven’t always known it.  i loved her two years ago, i love her today, and i’ll love her a hundred years from today.

this past spring she finally came back to me.  and i was the happiest i’ve been in my whole life.

then i threw that all away.  because i’m arrogant.  because i’m selfish.  because i’m kind of a dick a lot of the time.  because i care more about being funny than being kind.  because i didn’t love her the way she loved me, wholly.  people have tried to tell me all of this in the past, but i was able to write them off because in the grand scheme of things, i always think i’m right and everyone else is wrong.

i’m wrong, and everyone else is right.

and when it comes down to it, i’m not just talking about this girl, though she’s the one who finally got me to see who i am versus who i think i am, and who i can be.  i’m talking about anyone who knows me and reads this silly thing.  because odds are, i’ve made you feel terrible for no other reason than to make myself feel good.

that’s no way to live your life.  and i’m sorry.

so this is more than a new years resolution, more than some lofty goal we dream up and then forget about by the time the snow melts.  this is a shift.  this a declaration.  this is a call to arms.

i will be kind.

i will be a better person, a better friend, a better brother.

and you – i will love you with everything i have, with reckless abandon.

like wildfire.  like devastation.

amen.

-srd